Damn English!

"This book will have a quite broad audience... Gratifying level of surprises and loving twists on usage... Nice range of humor, from slapstick to self-reflective." -Sue Ducharme, TextWorksWelcome to the latest word on atrocious English, from wierd - er, weird - spelling to idiotomatic expressions to modest proposals for change, wherein we tackle such pressing contemporary English language issues as:Did sh*t ever actually hit a fan?Once and for all, who's the smartest: brain surgeons or rocket scientists?Which is the more persuasive: having someone over a barrel or by the balls?What difference is there, if any, between an old coot, an old fogey and an old geezer - and while we're on the subject, do we still need to employ the adjective "old"?When is it wiser to go with "I don't give a rat's a*s" over "I don't give a flying f*ck"?Taken together, are "No way Jose" and "Yesiree Bob" racist?What's the point of saying "It is what it is" when in all of human history it's never once happened that something is what it isn't?