Why I was Thrown out of hell

The story starts with a car accident in which I die. When I open my eyes, I see sunburned people, crippled, deformed-all moaning and groaning. I can't imagine how this could possibly be Heaven. I start complaining: no AC, no swimming pool, no ice water. Finally, a very red, ugly person appears and says he's tired of my complaints-which, I try to point out, are completely legit. Obviously, he's not a happy guy and wants me out of his sight and hearing. WELL! Then he tells me to get out! WELL! I end up in a place with ice cream and cool breezes. Must be HEAVEN! Yeah!