Farting In Front of Your Friends and Family!: How To Get Away With It

Do you suffer in silence? Literally?You're at a dinner party. The pressure builds. You start calculating how far away the bathroom is. Sound familiar?You are not alone. Everybody farts. The Queen farts. Your favorite celebrity farts. That impossibly composed coworker who never seems flustered? Absolutely rips them when nobody's looking.So why are we all so terrified?In this gloriously ridiculous survival guide, 26-year-old author Kate Baxter (yes, she knows) finally says what we've all been too repressed to admit. She has spent years perfecting the art of passing gas in polite company, and now she's sharing everything she knows.Inside, you'll master: The Phantom Menace, the silent technique that leaves no evidence and no witnessesThe ancient art of blaming the dog (and which innocent bystanders you should never blame)Strategic Acoustics, or how to weaponize a squeaky chair, a well-timed cough, and a running vacuum cleanerThe Slow Release Protocol, an advanced method so subtle you can run it through an entire weddingWhat to do when you're caught red-handed, from the confident confession to the bold denial to the nuclear option of simply leaving the countryPart survival manual, part comedy, part surprisingly heartfelt pep talk, this book will have you laughing out loud and quietly nodding in recognition.Because beneath all the leaning, timing, and creative blame-shifting lies a simple truth. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You never did.Whether it's a gift for the person who finds everything hilarious, a white elephant winner, or a guilty pleasure for yourself, this book is the perfect read for anyone with a sense of humor and a working digestive system.Stop clenching. Start living.Your dignity, and your colon, will thank you.