How Did I Become the Old Person?: A Funny Guide to Middle Age, Getting Older, and Becoming Everything You Used Make Fun Of.

At some point, 10:00 p.m. became late.Parking became personal. A good chair started influencing decisions. Standing up began requiring sound effects. And somehow "We have food at home" stopped sounding like something your parents said and started sounding completely reasonable.Nobody tells you when you become the old person. There is no ceremony, no certificate, and no official notice. One day you are still mentally twenty-seven; the next you are checking the weather before leaving the house, researching a vacuum cleaner like you are acquiring a company, and wondering why the refrigerator needs Wi-Fi.How Did I Become the Old Person? is a brutally honest, affectionate comedy about middle age and the strange realization that you have quietly become everything you used to make fun of. It covers the body negotiations, technology confusion, parking opinions, favorite grocery stores, increasingly serious sleep requirements, grown-up responsibilities nobody remembers assigning you, and the horrifying discovery that your parents may have known a few things after all.If you have ever injured yourself sleeping, missed physical buttons, owned clothes older than a coworker, left an event early because you had "a big day tomorrow," or bent down and decided to accomplish several additional tasks while you were already down there, the evidence is not looking good.This is not a book about surrendering to age. It is about laughing at the evidence, keeping the good parts, dropping some of the nonsense, and realizing that becoming the old person does not mean you are finished.Unfortunately, the case against you is still pretty strong.