I Would Fall In Love With You But...I Have No Money For A Psychologist

FALLING IN LOVE IS THE ONLY SYSTEMIC FAILURE WORTH HAVING. Are you tired of "Optimized" romance? Meet Aoife O'Malley, the world's most cynical psychologist. She has a PhD in Jargon. He has a Master's in Chaos. Together, they're about to crash the system. I Would Fall In Love With You But... I Have No Money For A Psychologist is a high-IQ romantic comedy for anyone who has ever: - Used "Clinical Terms" to avoid a real conversation.- Been ghosted by a "Visionary."- Realized that their soul is a "Legacy Version" in a world obsessed with the "Update."What readers are saying: "Think Bridget Jones, but with a PhD and a better vocabulary." "A hilarious, biting look at tech culture and the messy reality of being human." "The Aran Island chapters are pure comedy gold. I'll never look at a goat the same way again." Get ready for a "Relational Disruptor" of a novel that proves the best connections are the ones you never saw coming. "In clinical terms, I'm a disaster. In human terms? I'm just out of credit." Aoife O'Malley is a clinical psychologist who prefers jargon to feelings. If she can't diagnose it, categorize it, or cite a peer-reviewed study on it, it doesn't exist. Her life is a perfectly "optimized" fortress of academic solitude-until Danny O'Sullivan boots up. Danny is a "Visionary Developer" with a sweater from 1993 and a plan to disrupt the human heart. He's built The Oracle, an app designed to translate what people say into what they actually mean. He calls it "The Source Language." Aoife calls it "A Systemic Violation of Privacy." When they are thrust into the high-stakes world of London's tech elite, Aoife must choose: become the face of a billion-dollar "Empathy Engine" or sabotage the very machine she helped build. From the sterile boardrooms of London to a leaky cottage on the Aran Islands-complete with a goat named Barnaby and a 2G signal that requires a prayer-Aoife and Danny must decide if they are "Compatible Systems" or if some "Data-Points" are better left un-optimized. A sharp, sarcastic, and deeply funny exploration of what happens when the one thing you can't algorithmize is your own heart.