Mentch: Be a Man

Everyone seems to be publishing cookbooks: recipes for appetizers, recipes for desserts, recipes for Chinese, Persian, Moroccan or Tunisian cuisine, and endless recipes for cakes and sweets. There are even "recipes" for buying a car, for purchasing an apartment, for choosing a partner, or for securing a mortgage or a cheap loan. The only recipe no one has yet discovered is the recipe for human behavior. Unlike baking a cake, the challenge in writing a recipe for a human behavior lies in the fact that the flavors and proportions are far more complex. These proportions reflect the weight we give to things that matter most to us. Today, when the wisdom of the elders is relied upon less and less, each person chooses the taste that feels right for him. Yet, as we know, tasting is not always simple. So how can one ensure success in this craft? For years I have argued that choosing the right measure is the mother of all wisdom, and that it takes time and practice to master. My advice to young people just beginning their professional journey is simply to experiment: a little of this, more of that, and next time adjust the balance again-and again and again-until the mixture being kneaded turns out just right. In this book, I attempt to write a recipe for human behavior, a recipe for being a Mentch. I try to examine the basic ingredients that make us human, how people can build a healthy society, and how we might approach that universal goal: the prevention of suffering and pain-first and foremost for ourselves, and then for others. Alongside the ingredients that can make us better, I also ask: what are the things a Mentch would never do?