the ELEPHANT AT TABLE: Gospel According to Silverback

The method for never taking on another task - and never being accountable for anything.You don't refuse. You accept. Then you describe exactly how you intend to work, and your colleagues beg you not to touch the project. You said yes. They turned you down. You are now a martyr who is not permitted to do his job.For decades the manuals lied to you. Read the room. Adapt. Be a chameleon. The result: more work, a calendar full of other people's crises, and a level of stress no salary justifies.The Elephant at the Table is the antidote - the definitive manifesto against every form of activity. Adaptability is a weakness. The effort of understanding the person across the table is an impermissible leak of calories.From the Silverback's methods - Assertive incompetence - how to reject any assignment while appearing to be a public hazard. - The forty-second silence - how to cancel any logical argument in a performance review without pronouncing a single vowel. - Inbox Zero - 314 messages, one keystroke, and the natural selection of urgencies that sorts them for you. - The team building protocol - how to destroy a $5,000 agenda by sitting down and turning a piece of meat. "I tried to give him constructive feedback and align expectations. He leaned back, looked at me in complete silence for ten minutes, and by the end I had approved his leave and taken over his project myself. I still don't know how it happened." - former department head, currently in therapyTwenty-four chapters. Four parts. One specimen, studied in his natural habitat by the Institute for the Conservation of Energy - complete with practical protocols, a corporate calendar, a final examination and a detachable certificate.Buy this book. Or better still, don't buy it yourself. Delegate the task: have a colleague order it, ask him to read it and underline the main points, then have him summarize it for you while you stare out of the window, entirely absent.Volume II in the Antithesis series, following How to Become Dumber.