The Science of Owning a House That Owns You

Congratulations on Your Acquisition by Residential PropertyAt some point in adult life, a person is expected to develop the desire to own a house. This desire may begin innocently while driving through a pleasant neighborhood and noticing a home with a wide front porch, mature shade trees, and windows that seem to glow with warmth instead of leaking expensive conditioned air into the shrubbery. The person imagines peaceful mornings, family dinners, holiday gatherings, and perhaps a small garden. What the person does not imagine is standing barefoot in a flooded hallway at two in the morning while trying to determine whether the water is coming from the washing machine, the bathroom, the roof, the air conditioner, or a plumbing fixture concealed behind a wall specifically designed to prevent its inspection.A house is usually presented as property. You purchase it, insure it, furnish it, decorate it, and proudly tell people that it belongs to you. Legally, this may even be true. Scientifically, however, the evidence is far less convincing. The house controls where you spend your weekends, how you distribute your income, which smells alarm you, and how quickly you can recognize the sound of dripping water from three rooms away. It determines whether you can afford a vacation and, if you do leave town, whether you will spend the vacation wondering if the water heater has exploded.