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Where Have All the Good Men Gone?: A Memoir of Modern Dating, Ghosting, and Search for Something Real
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This is not a dating advice book. It's not a self-help manifesto. And it's definitely not a guide on how to be "less intense."This is a book about what happens when you stop betraying yourself just to be chosen.Written by a neurodivergent woman navigating midlife dating, illness, divorce, grief, and modern dating culture, this book is a brutally honest examination of what love actually costs - and what it shouldn't.Through essays, chapters, and interludes, Marcie U Tomb explores: - Why endurance gets mistaken for love- How emotional labor quietly drains you before you ever realize it- What illness, neurodivergence, and trauma reveal about character- Why chemistry isn't a compass- How clarity gets mislabeled as aggression- Why "starting over" is a myth - and integration is the real work- What peace costs, and why it's still worth paying forThis book doesn't offer dating hacks or quick fixes. Instead, it names the patterns many people - especially women and neurodivergent people - are taught to normalize: confusion, inconsistency, emotional labor, self-erasure, and being told to "just be chill."It's for anyone who: - Has stayed longer than they should have- Has been called "too much" for being clear- Has confused intensity with intimacy- Has done the work and is still asking, why is this so hard?- Is tired of pretending modern dating dysfunction is normalThis is a book about boundaries, accountability, and self-trust. About learning the difference between being needed and being loved. About choosing peace - even when it costs you noise, familiarity, and access.You won't finish this book with a checklist. You'll finish it with language for things you've felt but couldn't name.And once you can name them, you don't unsee them.
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This is not a dating advice book. It's not a self-help manifesto. And it's definitely not a guide on how to be "less intense."This is a book about what happens when you stop betraying yourself just to be chosen.Written by a neurodivergent woman navigating midlife dating, illness, divorce, grief, and modern dating culture, this book is a brutally honest examination of what love actually costs - and what it shouldn't.Through essays, chapters, and interludes, Marcie U Tomb explores: - Why endurance gets mistaken for love- How emotional labor quietly drains you before you ever realize it- What illness, neurodivergence, and trauma reveal about character- Why chemistry isn't a compass- How clarity gets mislabeled as aggression- Why "starting over" is a myth - and integration is the real work- What peace costs, and why it's still worth paying forThis book doesn't offer dating hacks or quick fixes. Instead, it names the patterns many people - especially women and neurodivergent people - are taught to normalize: confusion, inconsistency, emotional labor, self-erasure, and being told to "just be chill."It's for anyone who: - Has stayed longer than they should have- Has been called "too much" for being clear- Has confused intensity with intimacy- Has done the work and is still asking, why is this so hard?- Is tired of pretending modern dating dysfunction is normalThis is a book about boundaries, accountability, and self-trust. About learning the difference between being needed and being loved. About choosing peace - even when it costs you noise, familiarity, and access.You won't finish this book with a checklist. You'll finish it with language for things you've felt but couldn't name.And once you can name them, you don't unsee them.
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